I care about people, and I care about responding thoughtfully. This page exists to make something explicit that is otherwise easy to misinterpret: delays in my replies are about capacity, not priority or personal regard.

Why this page exists

I move across many roles and communities at the same time. At the time of writing, that includes my workplace, teaching and research at the University of Cambridge as a part-time PhD and involvement in nonprofit organisations

When a week gets busy, I’ve measured that I may interact with 60–80 different people across email, messaging apps, academic correspondence, and meetings. Even with good intentions and organisation, that volume makes immediate or consistent replies mathematically impossible.

This page is here to prevent silence from being misread as indifference.

What a delayed reply means (and doesn’t mean)

A delayed reply usually means one or more of the following:

• I am in a period of deep focus (writing, coding, research, deadlines)
• I am prioritising urgent or time-critical matters
• I am intentionally offline to protect my mental health or concentration
• I want to give a thoughtful response rather than a rushed one

It does not mean:

• I am ignoring you
• I don’t value you, your message, or your work
• You’ve done something wrong
• I don’t intend to respond at all

If something truly matters to me, I often prefer to reply later and properly rather than quickly and superficially.

Thinking about communication

I try to optimise for depth over immediacy.

Many systems reward fast responses, but not necessarily good ones. When my attention is fragmented across too many threads, the quality of my thinking — and my kindness — both suffer. Slower communication is a way I try to remain present, thoughtful, and fair to everyone.

Silence is sometimes a form of triage, not neglect.

If your message is time-sensitive

If something is genuinely urgent or time-critical, it helps to:

• Clearly state the deadline or urgency in the message
• Follow up politely after a reasonable amount of time
• Use the most appropriate channel for urgency (rather than assuming any channel is monitored continuously)

A short follow-up is always welcome. It does not bother me.

On phone calls

I generally prefer asynchronous communication over phone calls. I plan and think more clearly when I have time to read, reflect, and respond without needing to do so synchronously. Real-time conversations can sometimes create pressure to make quick decisions, which I try to avoid when possible. For that reason, I usually do not pick up the phone, even when I see a call. Phone calls work best for me when something is genuinely urgent or when we’ve agreed in advance that a live conversation would help.

A note on guilt and expectations

I am someone who feels guilt and shame easily, especially around letting people down. Writing this page is partly an act of honesty — and partly an act of self-compassion.

These days, I’m learning that:

• I cannot meet every expectation simultaneously
• Not replying quickly is not a moral failure
• Boundaries are what allow me to keep showing up at all

If you’re reading this because you haven’t heard back from me yet, please know that your patience is appreciated more than you might realise.

Thank you

Thank you for understanding that attention is finite, even when care is not.
If we are collaborating, corresponding, or simply in conversation, I value that connection — even if my reply arrives later than either of us would like.